Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
