What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
