Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
