Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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