my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
