They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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