Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
