O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
