I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
