i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize