but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
