grandma shit on top of the toilet
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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