You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
