Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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