based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bring me that man meat
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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