you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
