I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
