He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
