Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize