I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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