and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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