Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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