I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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