YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
