Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
