I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
