I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
