I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
