ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
