My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
