Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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