im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
