I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
