it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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