My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
