I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
