The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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