Nicole vs. Life
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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