He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
