I cannot find my penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
