I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
