If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
