i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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