It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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