This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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