There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
