i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
