a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
