she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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