I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
