You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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