We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
