a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In America we eat man semen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
