my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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