K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
