I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
