Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
