i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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