two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
