I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
