Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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