he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
