Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
