Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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