My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize