he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
