My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
