Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize