i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
